I DON’T remember where I was when I found out Guy Richie was making a Sherlock Holmes film. However, I remember that precisely five seconds later, I was sitting in the corner, rocknrolla-ing back and forth, mumbling something about sacrilege.

Then I heard that Robert Downey Jr was coming on board as the cocaine-snorting genius and I cheered up. Well, I say cheer up, I mean I was taken off the high risk night watch.

I should say that Sherlock Holmes, for me, is a uniquely special person. If I were to have a hero (I don’t, I’m too vain) it would be Holmes. I should also mention that this is not the rant of a purist. I actually came to Conan Doyle’s creation via the late, great Jeremy Brett. And what an introduction! Brett was, and is, the perfect Holmes. I know this because, after just one episode, I rushed out to buy the books. Actually I rushed to the computer and bought a boxed set from eBay, but you get the point. I love those books. I love every story, even that one where the man turned into an ape after ingesting monkey glands (for the uninitiated: that’s not a joke, that actually happens in one of the stories). I tell you all this, to prove that, for me, Sherlock Holmes started

life on the screen. I think the stories lend themselves extremely well to TV and film. I love the books, however, I have no problems whatsoever with screen adaptations.

But, but, but! Guy Richie!?!

And now I find out Jude Law will be stepping into Dr Watson’s shoes and Holmes will be armed with a sword. A SWORD!!! Now Sherlock, I’m sure, is an expert with may weapons and I know he’s a darn fine boxer (Queensberry Rules of course) but he is not violent. That’s the whole point of Holmes, his monstrous intellect. Plus, God give me strength, Sacha Baron Cohen is said to be making a comic Sherlock flick.

Well, we can’t stop it. The publicity machine is in top gear. On a positive note, I caught a glimpse of the Richie’s movie’s logo at the televised press conference. It looked like it was made up of old, dirty movable type press letters.

So our hopes rest on Downey Jr and a typeface to save the greatest detective in the world. And a note to Mr Richie, if you fuck up Sherlock, I’ll be wrestling you off the top of Reichenbach Falls.

NOTE: While looking for the Sherlock Holmes logo (my google detective skills let me down there) I came across this article about the parallels between House and Holmes. Nothing new there really, but I just wanted to post the picture of Laurie dressed Basil Rathbone’s interpretation.